Welcome to Bot Fight. Two bots enter, one bot leaves. Usually with broken parts and a rectal violation with a wrench.

Size advantage: Clearly Data

Special abilities:

Data-Can dress up as Sherlock Holmes. Do comedy with Joe Piscopo. Have sex with Tasha Yar. Own a cat. Is a daddy’s boy, searches out his creator Dr. Noonien Soong. Geordi LaForge’s butt-buddy.

R2-Can magically beep and just as magically have Star Wars humans understand him. Pals around with a Gay homosexual robot known as “Goldenrod”. Ejects lightsabers from his dome. Has bragging rights with a “third leg”. Backseat drives X-Wings. Somehow magically dodges room-fulls of stormtropper lasers.

Face Off: Lock both in a room and before you know it Data has himself a new pet. R2 has an android master who can understand his every flippin beep. They refuse to fight and instead laugh about C3PO, Q and the Borg. R2 feeds Data’s cat when he’s on the Bridge. During his Holmes holodeck excursions, Data introduces a Victorian suited R2 as his short friend from Brussels “Mr Arthur Desquared”. Geordi gets all emo and pissed off, soon devises a way to send R2 back to his own universe. At the last minute Q arrives and tells a sad Data that it was all a gift from him, to illustrate some BS sentiment. Data is sad but reflective. Cue end credits and preview next weeks steaming pile.